Brigid Day

forgiveness

December 24, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Yesterday, as I took a moment away from the craziness, I sat in the hot tub trying to sooth some sore muscles. My husband and children had just been in it, but I got home right as they were getting out.

Maggie walked over to me with a very serious look on her face.

“Mom, you know when you sometimes get really mad at me?”

Gulp.

“Uh, yes?”

“Well, it would be nice for you tell me that you forgive me. I would like to hear that.”

Gulp.

“Of course I forgive you! Did you think that I didn’t? I always forgive you.”

She smiled and both of us held back a few tears.

“Well, from now on, you should say it out loud instead of just in your head,” she said.

Point taken.

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the gift

December 21, 2009 · 4 Comments

So I have been racking my brain all day trying to come up with “my most memorable Christmas gift” as the third challenge in the Write-Of-Passage. I feel a little ungrateful to say that I don’t really remember any one gift that stands out from all the others.

This year seems to be the most memorable – maybe because the most easily remembered are the most recent, without time having had its way with the memory.

The gift that makes this year the most remarkable is the gift of health and happiness. At this moment in time, my own health is on a huge up-swing. My daughter’s health is perfectly normal, after seven cases of strep in as many months and a tonsillectomy. My son is showing huge improvement in learning and language. My husband’s melanoma has been at bay for eight years.

My parents are healthy and play an important role in my children’s lives . My brother is about to marry and begin a new life with the addition of a wife and a son.

I am surrounded by amazing friends. I write, and I find happiness.

The road has been bumpy, and the path not always straight, but we seem to be winding our way with more laughter than tears. I can’t think of a better gift than that.

You can find the link to other entries here.

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the funniest wrapping paper around

December 16, 2009 · 6 Comments

I have been going on to my friends for a while now about how stressed I am. I overbooked my time. (All my own fault.) And I don’t know who I think I am pretending that I am any more stressed/busy than everyone else.

One thing has kept me laughing though.

Our wrapping paper from last year.

See, I bought this extra-long wrapping paper to wrap all those odd sized children’s presents. Except I didn’t really have that many odd sized presents and I ended up cutting all my extra-long paper down to regular paper size.

Then when Christmas was over, I had three partially used rolls left over to store for a year. (In addition to the new regular-sized rolls that I bought last year on clearance.)

Two years ago, in one of my many attempts at getting organized, I bought a wrapping paper caddy. (A big plastic container that fits long rolls.) Except, you guessed it, it doesn’t fit extra-long rolls.

So there I was last year with three extra-long rolls and a regular sized caddy. What to do? If I remember correctly, I waited until I was pissed about something else, then went down to the basement and took out my post-holiday vengeance. I grabbed a pair of scissors and went nutso on the extra-long rolls. I chopped at them, cussing and trying to pare them down to normal size. To make them fit.

And when they proved to be too much for me, when I proved to be too weak, I resorted to folding the ripped up ends over so that I could at least shut the lid to the caddy.

And this year I have laughed at the never-freaking ending supply of paper on those three rolls. I have to cut off the part that I hacked on, so basically I trim each few feet down to a regular-sized roll as I go. Unrolling has become impossible as the massacred end flops over with each twist of the roll.

But I laugh.

I laugh at the anger I knew I was feeling when I did it.

I laugh at how absurd most of my attempts at organization turn out.

I laugh at all the promises I make that next year I will start earlier. That I will enjoy more. Do less.

It’s a maniacal kind of laugh.

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lunch on a pink tray

December 14, 2009 · 5 Comments

This is another post written as part of the Write-of-passage, Challenge two – The Lunch Box Essay. I stunk it up last week by not doing any critiques and not even editing my own piece. Life last week was stressful.  I’m hoping to make up for that this week.

Walking down the hall in a single-file line, we all peered ahead to see the little chalk board that would tell us our choices for the day. There were a few things that I loved to see, grilled cheese being one of them.

We each waited our turn as the line slowly filed past the cafeteria window. I always hated the damp smell of the industrial dishwasher – steam mixed with leftover bits of food. If I heard the sound of the water, I tried to hold my breath.

But the lunch ladies were kind. Most of them, anyway. All dolled up in their hair  nets and nylons and aprons.

The rule was you had to take a bit of everything. Sometimes we were allowed to choose between the lesser of two evils. Thankfully the pastel plastic lunch trays had divided sections, so when I was forced to have green beans or peas on my tray, their juices didn’t invade the food I might actually eat.

Every day we were given a carton of white milk, and on Fridays a choice of chocolate milk. This was long before missing children haunted the cartons, though we were constantly reminded of the starving children in Ethiopia, and how sinful it was to waste our food.

I’m quite sure the lunch ladies were less than thrilled with the faces I made as they asked if I wanted “a little” or “a lot” of something. Most times I answered “None, please” but the beans and peas and carrots always found their way onto my tray.

It wasn’t all bad though. The best, by far, was beef and noodles. I wanted them to fill up all the compartments of my tray with beef and noodles. They would fill the large section and if I was lucky, they might fill one of the side sections too. If we ate quickly, and there was enough to go around, we could go back for seconds. On beef and noodle day, I ate my quota for the week.

We were expected to take some of everything and we were expected to eat the majority of what was on our tray. This never seemed entirely fair to me. There were two silver rolling carts at the front of the gymnasium where our long lunch tables were set up. Older children were given the task of monitoring what was being thrown into the trash. They actually had the authority to tell you to go back to your table and eat some more. An oversized metal slop bowl and spatula were located on the rolling cart right next to the growing stack of used trays. All the food was to be scraped into the bowl so we would be mindful of what was being wasted. That bowl made me gag every day.

Most days, I secretly scraped the majority of the soggy, industrial vegetables into my milk carton and nervously tossed it into the huge trash can.

I always wished I could send it to Ethiopia instead, to feed the starving children.

And this is where my linky should be, but WordPress does not agree. To read the other submissions, click here and the linky will be at the bottom.

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What?

December 9, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Long gone are the days of excuse me. Now we have moved on to “What?”

Like Nick’s many facial expressions and ways of pointing as a youngster, one word now can be said in 35 different ways with as many different meanings.

What?

It can mean anything from “What is that?” to “I didn’t hear you,” to “Why are we doing this?” to “I’m ignoring what you are saying and will continue to repeat this word until you give up and leave me alone.”

Nick and I have had five-minute conversations in which the only word either of us utters is what, over and over. He’s asking some coded question and I’m trying to get him to give me more information.

His intonation and facial expressions make all the difference. And he’s got those in spades.

Scrunched eyebrows and an old man’s voice – What?

Sweet smile and a lilt in his voice – What?

Resistance-is-futile monotone – What?

The best part is that it still makes me laugh. We can say what to each other all day long and it’s like a joke that only we understand.

I fear the day he learns the power of the word “Why?”

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strangers

December 7, 2009 · 13 Comments

Write of passage – Challenge One – Character

She looked around the room with quick, flitting glances. It was clear she was uneasy. Eight near strangers brought together by one common link. She couldn’t remember if she had met one of the other couples. Should she ask their names? What if they had, in fact, already met? So she simply smiled and hoped someone else would ease the tension.

The two children watched the guitar and bongo players, perched on stools behind the near-empty tip jar. The sitter had found a better offer, so the two children were added to the group at the last moment.

As the couples waited for the guest of honor to arrive, their reason for being brought together, she nervously shifted her weight from one foot to the other. A drink would help. At the least, it would be something to do with her hands.

When everyone was finally seated around the long table, she ended up sitting next to the young boy, who was already out past his bedtime. She leaned over to ask him a question. He stared at her and leaned away. She gently asked him another question, quietly, so as not to frighten him.

He turned his head ever so slightly toward her. She had no way of knowing that not only was he a shy boy, but he didn’t talk to strangers. He only recently started talking to his family. His height often fooled people into thinking he was much older than his true age. Most people would keep asking questions of the boy and then question his mother as to why he didn’t talk.

But this kind soul, gently, gradually, gave him time and space. She let him warm up to her. She let him observe her. And in less than an hour’s time, he was talking to her. She gave him space of his own and he thanked her by answering her questions.

His mother had watched the whole time, at first tense, then smiling. So touched that a complete stranger understood what he needed. When the boy reached up putting his fingers on the woman’s cheek, the mother’s eyes welled up with tears. This quiet stranger, with a gentle voice, had done in an hour what most people failed to do. She had touched his soul.

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Note to self

December 5, 2009 · 3 Comments

Just a quick list of some things I have learned today:

1. If you want the cookies that you give to the neighbors for the holidays to be perfect, don’t make it a project for you and your five-year-old.

2. The neighbors don’t need perfect cookies. They will be perfectly happy with the artwork of a five-year-old.

3. When you wear a brand new sweater, check it first for the “remove before wearing label.”

4. If you are going to buy two new pairs of jeans when you are feeling super skinny, make sure at least one pair has a little wiggle room.

5. Don’t keep the toothpaste and the Desitin in the same drawer. Just don’t.

6. Don’t ask for an opinion to confirm something you are 99% sure of, unless you are prepared for the other person to 100% disagree.

7. If your husband starts eyeing the wallpaper in yet another room, speak up before he starts peeling. It does neither of you any good to criticize when the walls are half-stripped.

8. Don’t tell your child about a surprise party and then send her to the guest of honor’s house with instructions “Not to talk about it.” Even if she doesn’t talk about it, you will be a nervous wreck.

That’s all.

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photographic memory

December 4, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Yesterday, my mom asked what was my favorite childhood Christmas memory. I tried to answer her question, but my answer was not a true memory or even a specific memory. My memories are stories that I have crafted to match the photos taken during my childhood Christmases. I have no idea if the stories I believe to have happened are even remotely close to reality.

Who is to say that my reality would be the same as my parents’ or brother’s reality, anyway? We all perceive things differently during a normal day. Throw a big holiday on top, add 30-35 years, and my realities may be much more fictional than anything else.

But I have those photos. I have proof of what I wore and what I looked like. I have proof of the gift that was my favorite, as determined by what item was clutched in my hand for the rest of the night. The rest is made up of fuzzy edges and fantasy.

My mind fills in the time between the photos with true memories. If I have never seen a photo of a certain moment, but I can recall all the details, then I am fairly sure it is an accurate memory. Or at least as accurate as a 30-year-old memory can be.

I wonder, now that I photograph so much of my children’s lives, will anything be left for fantasy? Will they need to remember any of it? The flip camera records anything the Nikon misses. How much of their childhood will have the fuzzy-edged glow that mine has?

My grandfather took a lot of photos. I adore those photos. I feel special when I see he took a whole role of film of just my brother and me. He played around with lighting and with our expressions. I have no memory of having most of those pictures taken, but the love I feel seeing them now, brings tears to my eyes. I wish I had more than just nine Christmases with my grandfather, but I am thankful every day for the way he taught me to see life through the lens of a camera.

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I’m not nervous (yet)

December 2, 2009 · 2 Comments

I have mentioned before that I am one of those last-minute kind of people. I work much better on a deadline. In fact, I pretty much only work on a deadline.

I seem to keep taking on more projects every day. And really, there is nothing wrong with that. They are almost all projects I enjoy doing. But I foresee a little bit of an issue coming up.

They all have the same deadline.

And that could really be bad for me. Scrambling to finish one thing on deadline is a craft I have mastered. Scrambling to finish six things at the same times makes my head spin. And then I have to go take a nap.

Some people get nervous about a deadline and can’t sleep. I am the opposite. Pulling an all-nighter to study for a test? Sure, right after I nap for an hour. Working on a huge presentation that is due today? No problem. Just let me catch a few winks and I’ll be ready to work.

I can be stressed about a deadline, get an extension, and then stop working until I am facing the exact situation the extension was supposed to avoid.

For years I have tried to find ways to outsmart myself – setting pretend early deadlines, rewarding myself for early progress. Unfortunately, I am not easily fooled.

I’ve decided this time around, I’m just going to try to enjoy the ride. I know it’s going to get crazy there toward the end, but it will all get done. Right?

Right?

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stinky rose

November 30, 2009 · 26 Comments

Because sometimes I like to jump into the deep end, knowing full well that I don’t know how to swim, I present Write of Passage. A lot of fabulous writers are getting together on-line to, well, to write. And I seem to have jumped in. Will someone please throw me a swimmy noodle.

Our first challenge – Our most embarrassing story. Gah.

As a relatively unknown freshman at a huge high school, I was eager to make friends. And that I did. As a fairly boy-crazy teenager, I was eager to have a super cool boyfriend. That would prove a little trickier.

Our student council would organize these crazy flower drives or some such nonsense, where a student could pay a few bucks for a rose, write a note to go with it and have it delivered during home room to the lucky recipient.

I sat every day during these silly fundraiser weeks, waiting patiently for my rose.

Never happened.

So I decided to jump into the deep end. I would be proactive. I would send the rose. (I still shudder.)

So I chose one of the most popular boys. Who was quite handsome. And a year older than me. Because if you’re going to go, you might as well go big. Right?

The words I wrote on that note are still burned into my brain. I can only hope it is something he forgot about long ago.

“I have always been told, where there is a will, there is a way. I have the will, please lead the way.”

I. Kid. You. Not.

Yeah, so that didn’t go so well for me. And I still cringe at the memory of him rounding the corner of the hallway the first time. And the next time. And pretty much every time for the next three years.

Worst two bucks I ever spent.

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