New Kicks

by brigid on June 12, 2013

There’s a certain shoe store that I take the kids to when they have, yet again, outgrown their old shoes. I’m not sure what it is about this certain shoe store, or if it’s shoe stores in general, that makes my children lose their minds. One time I had a stack of shoes for Maggie–she needed tennis shoes, and a dress shoe, but we also lucked into some clearance sandals for the next year that were too good of a deal to pass up. But by the time we got to the checkout, she had pushed me one time too many, and I made a show of telling her she would not be getting ANY OF THESE SHOES, and I set them on the counter, apologized to the clerk and we left.

I wish she had cared just a bit more. But like with most things, she was of the “Whatever!” attitude and the next year we bought full-priced sandals and I realized this was one of those times I had failed ro prove a point and shot myself in the foot at the same time. That time I didn’t let her go to the circus, she remembers that and talks about it often. The time I wouldn’t buy her shoes that she didn’t really care about? Not such a memory.

Fast forward to the other day. My kids managed to make it until the beginning of June with the same pair of sneakers from back-to-school shopping. This is unheard of around here because their feet grow fast enough that usually we buy another size by January. We had made it this long, but Nick’s shoes were falling apart and he had mentioned that his toes were scrunched up. (For Nick to mention something like this, pretty much means he was folding his foot in half to cram it in his shoe.) We went to the shoe store and Maggie picked out a size of women’s size 8 1/2 shoes, thankyouverymuch. Now it was Nick’s turn, and I managed to find the elusive velcro shoe that’s not horribly ugly in a boys 4 1/2. Because he has a giant foot, in theory, he should be able to tie his shoes by now, but he’s also still a six-year-old with below average motor skills. So we found a pair of shoes (they happened to be Wide, which he doesn’t actually need) but they fit his foot and were a good price so I called it a win. And then he pulled the “I’m going to go crazy in this shoe store and watch my mom lose her shit!” And what happens when you do that? Why, you don’t get shoes, that’s what happens.

His shoes were put back, we paid for Maggie’s, and left. And once again, he didn’t really care. And I cared a whole lot.

It was two days later before he complained about his shoes being too small again. It took all my restraint to not scream “Then you shouldn’t have acted like such a punk at the shoe store!” Instead, I asked a few leading questions until he put the pieces together and figured out he was stuck with small shoes until I decided he was “ready to try again.” Because this was something I felt he needed, it was only another day before I asked in a very serious tone if he was ready to try again and he said yes.

We set the ground rules: 1. No one was touching the stupid wheel that spins, which is the source of much of my grief.

Yep, pretty much that’s the main ground rule.

And it worked. We tried his shoes on again (I was second guessing the “wide” thing) but they fit and we paid. He wanted to wear them home, so I let the salesman ring them up and then handed them to Nick to put on. High on my list of summer goals is to not do for the children what they can do for themselves. The each have things that they can do but prefer for me to do. For Maggie it’s emptying her lunchbox/putting dishes in the dishwasher. For Nick, it’s putting on his shoes.

So I was going to set precedent early and hard. New shoes. Shoes that he puts on himself. Always.

He sat on the floor near the register fussing and trying to talk me into “helping him” (“You mean you’re not going to help me, mom?”) I stood my ground and he sat there for a few minutes. I talked him through it and eventually he got one on. It was frustrating because I knew he could do it, he just didn’t want to. I looked up at the salesman who had long-ago moved onto another task.

“You don’t have kids, do you?” I asked him. (Which in hindsight was a rather bold assumption, but he was young and looked a bit bewildered at the whole situation with my son. I figured most parents would “get” what I was doing.)

“Me? No. And after working here, I may never have any. Kids are crazy.”

“Ha. Oh, well, don’t judge just from how they are here. This place is the seventh circle of hell, for some unknown reason, and my normally decently behaved children lose their minds in here. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just in here.”

“Oh, so I shouldn’t judge kids based on the kids that come in here?”

“Nope.”

“Good to know.”

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Another year

by brigid on June 6, 2013

Another year has gone by. (No, not a year since I last posted, though, it kind of feels like it.) Another year in my daughter’s life. She’s nine now. And blossoming (won’t she hate that word later) into a lovely person.

Just yesterday as we were in Target (or maybe that was today, honestly the days are blurring together) she asked to stay by the dollar section while I went to get the last item in the toiletry section. I said sure, but as I was standing there, before I walked away, I couldn’t help but remember the time when she was three and I lost her in that very Target. I had Nick in the baby seat in the cart (before we knew you weren’t supposed to do that) and she was an aisle over. We kept talking so I knew she was close by.

And then a second later, she was gone. I couldn’t find her anywhere and had that moment of utter panic. I ran to the first red-shirted person I could find and told them my daughter was gone. They called out a code something (it wasn’t code red, but it was some code so all the employees would know to be on the lookout.) As soon as I gave a description of her, they told me to go to the front of the store and stand near the doors.

It wasn’t lost on me what they were having me do. I was to stand near the exit so no one could leave with her. It was agonizing to wait there and not actively be looking for her. But I was doing just as I was told, because I was sure this wasn’t their first lost kid, though it was certainly mine.

I was standing right near the dollar section.

They found her. She had wandered back to the outdoor play stuff instead of staying in the toy aisle. Specifically she went to find a rocket that older friends had been playing with in their yard a few days earlier. Pretty similar to the rocket she herself got as a gift this year. I grabbed her up in a hug as tears of relief fell from my eyes. People had stopped to watch and were touched that we had been reunited (and possibly that I had hugged her instead of yelling.)

So yesterday, (or today, whatever) I left her to look at the dollar stuff while I went further into the store. It seemed counter-intuitive. Should’t I stay at the door while she was further in?

I’m starting to give her more freedom and showing her that I trust her to make good decisions. She’s gone into the grocery store to buy an item or two while I wait out in the car. She’s getting to ride her bike around the block while I stay home. I’m trying to give her some of the freedoms that I had as a youngster. We walked to the store on our own, but since the closest store is too long of a walk from our house, I’m doing the best I can to still give her that independence.

She’s nine. It’s still so new to me. It’s new to her too. The whole day of her birthday she kept telling people she was going to be nine. I kept telling her “You’re already nine!” 

She prefers to wear dresses (they’re easier) and prefers to not brush her hair (that’s hard). She’s developed a love of reading in the last few months that makes my heart swell. She smiles pretty much all the time and is a true friend. Her heart is huge and full of empathy. She doesn’t like to play games where someone wins and someone loses. She prefers to make up her own rules so everyone can be on the same team. She is a combination of a wise old soul and a naive nymph. She is fabulous and I can’t wait to see more.

 

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PhD in Procrastination

May 1, 2013

As a professional procrastinator, sometimes I find myself running an errand, or doing a task at a time that isn’t exactly convenient. Ahem. Yesterday, for instance, when I looked at the calendar and realized it was indeed April 30th and that there is no April 31st, I knew I would be making an evening run [...]

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for love of paper

April 7, 2013

{Disclosure: Compensation was provided by Minted. The content and opinions expressed here are all my own, and not indicative of the opinions or positions of Minted.} My mom’s dad worked for a paper company. Every year on Christmas Eve he would have to attend a meeting at work. Well, at least that’s what they told us [...]

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the long way

April 4, 2013

I am known for taking my own path. Finding my own way. That is a kind way of saying I get lost. A lot. I can go somewhere ten times, and get lost going there the eleventh time. It’s true. Not something I’m necessarily proud of, but something I’m learning to own. My kids still [...]

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taking it on the chin

February 19, 2013

Yesterday was not a good day. As a parent, I pretty much failed. No one got hurt, physically, at least, but there was much yelling. Much gnashing of teeth. Many ultimatums and a few threats. Not my finest hours. I could say I was goaded into it, but then I would be blaming a child [...]

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karma

February 13, 2013

The other day Maggie and Nick took Fiona on a walk around the neighborhood. And by “a walk around the neighborhood” I mean they walked directly to her friend’s house that is a couple short blocks away. I told her she could only stay ten minutes, and the deal is she’s only allowed to stop [...]

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catching up

February 7, 2013

A few quick things that don’t seem important enough for their own post: Room update – things are beginning to go missing. All humans and animals are accounted for, but half of her basketball uniform is missing, toes are in peril with roller skates strewn in the middle of the floor, and I heard a [...]

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the evolution of a neat nick

February 4, 2013

I have mentioned many times that I happen to be organizationally challenged. I fully admit this, and guard my piles ferociously. But such was not always the case. I went through different phases as a child. Some years my room stayed fairly neat. I made my bed and carefully lined up all 98 of my [...]

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spinning my wheels

January 18, 2013

You may remember back a few months when I went to Maggie’s play at school and came out to have a tree fall on my car (moments before I would have moved it…) (And if I wasn’t such a chatty person, I might have been long gone before the tree fell, but I am and [...]

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