Brigid Day

Entries from October 2009

spike

October 30, 2009 · Leave a Comment

A week or so ago, I was stopped at a red light at extremely busy intersection near my neighborhood.  I noticed a small black kitten limping on the corner.  Cars in other lanes that were also stopped noticed it as well.  We all kind of held our breath as it limped forward toward the street.

I was in a lane that would have been dangerous to maneuver out of. I had both children in the car with me. It was a little like watching an accident happen in slow motion.

And then the little black kitten limped back up and hid behind a pole, well away from the road. We all sighed with relief, the light changed and off we went.

The next day I saw the flattened body of that little kitten in the road right where it had threatened to walk earlier.

I wept for that little kitten.

I wept for the guilt I felt for not helping that little kitten.

For days I kept thinking about that little kitten.

Today, at a stop sign a block away from that intersection, I looked out to see a dog, (forgive my dog ignorance, I have no idea what kind he was) with an electric collar and tags, wandering dangerously close to the road.

This time I only had one child with me, and was at a part of the road where I could pull over and put on my hazards. So I did.

I called the number on Spike’s tag. No answer. I looked around and with no one nearby to bounce any ideas off of, I decided I had to at least get him back to his own yard.

He happily jumped into the car. At which time Nick lost his shit. (Well, thankfully, not literally.) See Nick is petrified of animals. He was not just crying, but hysterically crying.

So I rearranged some things and moved Spike into the front seat. Nick approved – only slightly, but enough to get moving towards Spike’s house.

Spike’s address was, in fact, on this very busy road. I started looking for house numbers, while trying to convince Nick that the world was not coming to an end, while trying to keep Spike from eating the snacks that were in the front seat for long car rides, while also watching to make sure Spike didn’t pee anywhere. Because cleaning up toddler pee is where I draw the line, people.

Luckily it was a quick trip.

As in, two houses down the road. Seriously. He had crossed over his neighbor’s yard and then ran into me. So I pulled in and walked him around to the side where the garage was open.

Dude was sitting at a desk in his garage. (It’s a southern thing.)

“Is this your dog?”

“Oh, yah.”

“He was near the intersection down there. I didn’t want him to get hit. I saw the collar,” pointing at the electric collar that I’d imagined was supposed to keep him safe.

“Oh, yah. I think the batteries are dying on that thing.”

“All righty then.”

And I got back in the car with Nick who was all too happy to have Spike delivered back home.

All I can say is, I better not see Spike flattened on the road. I know where they live.

Categories: Brigid · Nicholas · parenting - my way
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Yay! I think.

October 29, 2009 · 1 Comment

Nick had another evaluation this week, to determine the next course of action. Drumroll please…

The next course of action is nothing.  It’s to keep doing what we are doing. His delays are not severe enough for him to be considered delayed.

Yay!

I think.

Or maybe, this is another case of missing the cut by two points and not getting help that would make a huge difference.

Or, back to Yay!

Because Yay! is so much more fun to think about.

Better than thinking that another doctor on another day would have started Occupational Therapy.  And his progress would continue to astound us.

Or back to Yay! because I already had the munchausen moments with the strep that wouldn’t die. We don’t want people to think I can’t accept good news.

I think his SLP is going to disagree with this course of action. I think some family disagrees. I feel like I am getting the ball to the five yard line, and then sitting down on the bench.

If I woke up today, I probably would not spend a million dollars to have testing done. I would hope that he would continue to close the gap.  But since we have spent a million dollars on testing, would a few answers be too much to ask for?

This doctor gave me many, many nuggets of useful, helpful information. Things that put my mind at ease.

“Expressive language almost always catches up to receptive language.”

That’s great. His receptive language is strong. Whew.

He also did some muscular exercises that showed it’s not a lack of muscle tone that prevents certain actions – it’s his comfort level, or actually his discomfort level that prevents those actions. In other words, he doesn’t want to do it, so he doesn’t do it. But he can do it.

But there are other things that are not so comforting.

“If he is having seizures or strokes while he is sleeping, we may never know. He will hopefully continue to grow out of them and then at some point we will just say ‘Huh, glad that’s over – whatever that was.’”

I happen to be one of those people who would like to know what that was. Even if there is nothing that could be done to prevent that, I would like to understand more about it.

I recently read a post that had some helpful advice. Notice the things that your child is doing that are completely normal. Sometimes we (I) spend so much time noticing what isn’t normal that we (I) forget to see what is.

I don’t want to turn back too soon and stop short of helping him. But at the same time, personality plays a role here. He may be showing me more about himself than I am aware of.

We go back in two months to the pediatrician for a check up. If in two months I still have these doubts, I will raise flags and do what needs to be done. In the mean time, I’m going to keep doing all that I can to help at home, while paying attention to the normal parts of every day.

 

Categories: Brigid · Nicholas · parenting - my way
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potty humor

October 27, 2009 · 1 Comment

At least I think it’s humor.  And as long as I’m laughing, we’re all doing OK. Nick actually went all day at school in the same clothes I dropped him off in! Yay!

Then 10 minutes after we got home, he fell while in the kitchen. He normally bounces pretty well, but he bonked his head and was crying pretty hard for him. I sat him down on the step to evaluate the seriousness of the injury. (Not too serious, just a bump on the head – says the woman who would have to lay down if I had a bump like that on my head. Ahem.)

As I tried to calm him down, I noticed a wet spot on his pants that seemed to be growing.

Ha! So I picked him up and pivoted out the back door and into the driveway. So he could continue to pee and I would have less clean-up to do. But apparently the last time he pulled his pants up at school, he smooshed his pen!s up and it was stuck in the elastic of his underwear. So when he continued to pee it was literally shooting out like a sprinkler and was randomly spraying everywhere. I busted out laughing.

When he finally stopped and calmed down from the head bump, we got him cleaned up and he was fine. I was still chuckling a bit.  It was good stuff.

Then an hour later at dinner, he was mid bite when I heard the drip drop under his chair. Since he had just peed an hour earlier, I didn’t think to have him sit before dinner. Hahahahaha. I’m still laughing.

So Maggie and I just waited.  And waited. And waited.  As he peed. And peed. And peed. I swear, he’s still two, but has the bladder capacity of a 300-pound man.

“At least he didn’t have his shoes on!” Maggie said.

I mopped up a bit with some towels, and basically let him finish eating. When he was finished eating, we cleaned the floor and commenced with a bath for him.

At least I am still laughing.

With the first child, I was took potty training so personally.  I was so invested in it. The second time around, I am finding the humor in it. It’ll happen sooner or later. I just hope I can maintain my sense of humor for the duration. (Says the woman who is one week in. Ask me again in a month or two.)

[Spell check doesn't think peed is a word. Am I nuts here? Past tense of pee?]

Categories: Brigid · Nicholas · parenting - my way

epiphany

October 26, 2009 · 1 Comment

I have given some thought, on this bright Monday morning, as to what is the worst part of potty training. I think pee in the shoes, hands down, is the worst part.

There is also the time spent in, near, and in close proximity to the bathroom. Not my favorite part either. But as time passes and the days begin to blend together, the reward for that time is not having to spend time and energy worrying about another person’s bodily functions. That is a huge payoff. I barely remember the year my oldest and I spent learning toileting.

There is no really huge payoff to pee in shoes.

It’s just gross.

Eventually, they will grow out of said shoes.  Hopefully by then they will be consistently using the toilet so there will be fewer pairs of christened shoes. Say what you want to about Crocs.  They are the best potty-training shoe EVER. Though sadly, when the cold weather comes around, it’s back to socks and real shoes. Pee shoes. Ugh.

Then I had an epiphany this morning. Possibly worse than pee in the shoes, would be poop in the carpet. You know, like if the child peed in their pants (and shoes) while waiting for the sibling’s bus, then went inside and sat on the toilet for a few minutes, then walked over to get a dry pair of underwear out of the drawer and crapped on the carpet. And then stepped in it.  And then walked to the bathroom, leaving little poopy footprints along the way. And then looked in the toilet as if the poop was going to magically have appeared there.

That might be worse than pee in the shoes.

Categories: Brigid · parenting - my way
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Bitten

October 23, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I look through her tears, into the eyes of my child who has just been bitten.  Her eyes asking why? My eyes answering I don’t know. I’m so sorry. Then I look into my other child’s eyes; my eyes are the ones asking why?

Categories: Brigid · Maggie · Nicholas · parenting - my way
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can I get a new battery?

October 21, 2009 · 1 Comment

Do you ever get out of the house and realize your cell phone battery doesn’t have a full charge?  And then you try to conserve using it, just in case you have an emergency where you have to use it?  And then as you get closer to the end of your outing, you get a little more blase’ about using it down to zero, because you are almost home anyway and you can charge it as soon as you get there?

No?

Just me?

Well, that’s kind of what living with one under-active adrenal gland is like. Except the battery never gets a full charge.  You could leave it plugged in for two days and it would only charge about halfway.

I get up.  I go. About six hours later my battery goes dead. I nap. I go for about six hours and my battery goes dead again. I go to bed. Or, I realize around 9pm that I have made it almost home with a tiny bit of life in my battery and I stay up until midnight, thereby totally screwing myself for the next day.

I spend a great deal of time sleeping.  More than I would like. (And no, it’s not depression.)

Some days, even if I’m not crashing during nap time, I nap anyway.  Because I have tried to push through and get a lot of stuff done.  (I love getting a lot of stuff done.) But then I fall asleep at 7pm after suffering through the last two hours with the kids.  I’m not much good when that battery indicator starts blinking red, and sleep is the only way to recharge the worn out adrenal. It’s not fair to the kids and it’s not fun as a mom. So I nap, as often as I bloody well can.

I take supplements to help my lone adrenal work.  To strengthen it.  Stretch it’s abilities. I might be nutty here, but I’m kind of thinking the supplement had something to do with what is being called “Passive-Agressive 09″ which I starred in all weekend. So now I will start trying to figure out if P-A 09 was coincidence or if I might be reacting to something in the supplement.

I loved spending the last two days with Maggie while she was on fall break.  She and I really needed to reconnect.  I think we did.  It kicked my butt to literally run around the zoo, leaving the house at 8am and coming home at 5pm. (Yes, I am aware that is a normal workday, or shorter than normal workday for most of you.)

When the doctors removed my tumorous adrenal and pronounced me cured, they forgot to give me a super-duper battery charger.  So I nap. And some days I don’t. The days that I don’t are the days you will find me willing the children to bed at 6:30pm so I can go to bed with them.  And I do.  And I sleep from 7pm until 6am and I feel human and whole again.  Whole enough to try to skip a nap, and then start all over again.

A mom I met at the zoo happened to mention that sometimes she sleeps about 11 hours total in two nights.  I had just slept 11 hours the previous night.  And I was tired.  I couldn’t have been more jealous.

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mojo

October 20, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I have been working since Saturday trying to get my mothering mojo back.  I lost it in a big way over the weekend.

Nursing my babies, check.  Nurturing my babies, check. Cuddling with my babies, check.  Guiding their great minds, check.  Helping my kindergartener with homework, oh my freaking gawd, shoot me now.

I don’t think I’m cut out for mothering the school age set.  Can I turn them in when they get to be in school and check out a fresh little baby that needs to be cuddled and loved on?  No?  Damn.  I’m in trouble.

But the homework wasn’t the mothering implosion that was heard around the world.  That would be my daughter and I going round after round at each other’s throats.  All. Weekend. Long.

Maggie and I spent Monday together, just the two of us.  At the end of the day she told me I pay too much attention to Nick.  WE SPENT ALL DAY TOGETHER, JUST THE TWO OF US. Sorry, I don’t mean to yell at you.  It just seems to be coming naturally to me these days.

To say we weren’t seeing eye to eye would be an understatement.  At one point she turned to me and said “You know, mom, when you yell at me it just makes me do whatever it is more.  I just do it more and more.” She’s FIVE.  I’m so in for it.

So we have moved back a few steps into a zero-tolerance zone.  I figured out (or at least I think I figured out) that Maggie has been testing limits again.  And I have only one answer to that.  Cracking the whip. (Figuratively, not literally.) Instead of giving her one or two or eight more chances to do what I asked, follow directions, stop annoying her brother, put on her pajamas, etc. she gets one chance.  One.  After that, game over.

The first two instances of zero tolerance were not received very well.  Lots of crying.  A little bit of hysterics. But a day later and all seems to be right with the world again. For today anyway.  Let me say, all instances of zero tolerance have been when there were two or three simple, easy to follow rules that we discussed and she understood.

It was kind of like learning what is expected all over again.  Not easy when you’re in the middle of it, but when you walk out on the other side, it feels awesome.  A friend reminded me today of a time we had to leave something that I wanted to do because Maggie was not following directions.  I had forgotten that instance until she mentioned it, but I remember that it was a valuable lesson for both Maggie and me.  I realized I had to follow through on my threat word; Maggie knew I meant what I said.

And, the other plus side is I didn’t yell at all today.  Her poor choices landed directly in her own lap.  I was just there to make the calls, not to be the enforcer.

And now that I feel like I have some mojo back and a plan to get through the next couple of days, I’m sure she will change the game by morning.

Categories: Brigid · Maggie · parenting - my way
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missing Maggie

October 15, 2009 · 3 Comments

Tuesday I altered my schedule a tad so I could get ready for an event that night.  I picked Nick up from school, we rushed home and I took a shower before the school bus got here.  That way, after Maggie got home, all I would need to do would be slather on some make-up and figure out what in the world to wear.

So, I stood in my robe talking to my husband on the phone (telling him the bathroom sink would not turn completely off) when the bus pulled up. And then it pulled away.

My child did not get off.

I briefly informed my husband that the world had just fallen slightly off its axis (at least to me) and told him I’d call him back when I found her.

Then I ran to the bedroom and threw on pants of some sort and a shirt of some sort.  Then I hightailed it out to the end of the driveway.

The bus makes a loop around a few other blocks and passes by our house on the way out of the neighborhood. So there I stood. Trying not to vomit.

When the bus finally (normally it takes about 3 minutes, for some reason that day it took forever) came around the corner, Maggie’s little head popped up in the window.

I was doubled over with relief.

The bus driver couldn’t tell if I was home the first time around, so she let Maggie ride around the block with her to drop the rest of the kids off.  The driver wasn’t going to let my kindergartener out at an empty house.  For this, I thank her.  But we needed to get our signals straight.  So now, I will leave the door cracked when I am home and the driver will know to let her off.  Too bad I had to lose a few years off my life to come up with this plan.

(Don’t get me wrong, if she doesn’t get off the bus someday, that likely means she is still at the school.  Just because she doesn’t get off the bus, it doesn’t spell disaster.  I can rationally comprehend that, now. But at the time she didn’t hop off, and I was literally naked, but for a robe, I felt completely vulnerable.)

Crisis averted.  Make-up slathered.  Clothes chosen.  Off to my event.

Where I saw many parents of children Maggie used to go to school with.  Countless times I was told that their child still asked about Maggie all the time.  Apparently I’m not the only one who misses Maggie when she’s not around.

Categories: Brigid · Maggie · parenting - my way
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forbidden fruit

October 14, 2009 · 2 Comments

I try to feed my children healthy food.  I do.  I try.  I don’t always succeed.  And I will be the first to admit that my second child has been introduced to many more “junky” things than his sister was at this age.

The other day Maggie called to me that Nick was doing something dangerous and I needed to come quickly.  So I did.

He was, in fact, doing something dangerous.  I helped him down from the pickle he was in (involving stairs and an extra part that juts out) and then noticed something peculiar.

Both kids had orange around their mouths.  And their fingers were orange too.

After a quick survey of the room, I noticed a bag of Doritos on the floor in the middle of the room.

What?!

My children aren’t allowed to eat Doritos.  Anything that leaves such an orange film on fingers and mouths is just screaming artificial colors, among other things.

Now, that said, on a very rare occasion, I have been known to eat a Dorito, or twelve hundred.  These Doritos were purchased by my husband and were leftovers from a tailgate that he provides for his customers.

(This was supposed to be  a quick funny little ditty, and is turning into a defense of why I don’t let the kiddos eat Doritos.  Not my intention.)

So Maggie knows they are busted.

“Mom!  Nick shoved them in my mouth,”  she said.

OK, that made me laugh out loud.

“Mom, I had seven and he had, like, 100,” she said.

Again, laughter from me.  So I got the kids cleaned up, got the Doritos put away, and we got ready for dinner.

If we bring the forbidden fruit into the house, we should expect it to be eaten.  Guess I better work on getting rid of those Doritos.

Categories: Brigid · Maggie · Nicholas · parenting - my way
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one job

October 10, 2009 · 2 Comments

When I was seven months pregnant with Maggie, my husband and I took a trip to Key West.  It was a work/fun trip.  After one of the nights out, when I just wanted to hang out in the hotel room and be seven-months-pregnant (it may have possibly been eight months, my memory already fails me on such things), we watched a Chris Rock comedy show on HBO.

It was hilarious.

One of the funniest parts, which we have regularly mentioned since was this whole thing he did about finding out he was going to have a baby girl.  He said (and forgive me, I am not Chris Rock) he had one job.

One job.

And that was to keep his baby girl off the pole. We have endlessly joked that my husband has one job.

**********************

Today while I was participating in a yard sale with friends, my husband took the kids to a free event called Touch-A-Truck.  I had heard it was a pretty cool thing.  They have all kinds of trucks –  a cement truck, double decker bus, regular school bus, ambulance, fire truck, dump truck, and on and on.  The kids get to climb on the trucks, sit in the seats, honk the horns.  You know, stuff that kids like to do.

So they went while I hung out with my friends toiled away.

Maggie got to go on stage with a magician and came home with an animal balloon shaped like a monkey on a tree.  Like, the most serious detailed balloon animal I have ever seen.  She loved the whole thing.

I asked her what her favorite part had been.

“Mom, there was this bus that was sooo tall.  It was like two things tall.”

“A double decker bus?”

“Yes!  It had fancy lights on the floor and it was so cool!  I got to swing around on this pole and swung so fast I landed right on the couch.”

Ummmm, yes.  When you put the pieces together you can figure out that my husband has failed his one and only job.  My baby girl swung on a stripper pole today.

Categories: Brigid · Maggie · parenting - my way
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